September 1990

Lisa helped me with my math homework. Fractions. Afterward, we watched the MTV Music Awards. When Sinead O'Connor sang "Nothing Compares To You" dad cried and said, "Emil, do you remember our home in California, the flowers in the yard?" He had been drinking. I felt so bad for him. I wonder what goes through his head. I don't think I want to know. It'll make me sad.

Shima is Arab and smokes cigarettes. I think I like her. We went to Java Jive tonight. Everything was cool until Damon walked in with a friend of his. I felt so uncomfortable that I was rude to him. I was shaking. I prayed that he wouldn't say anything stupid, and he didn't. His friend did! When Damon introduced us the friend said, "Oh… the Emil." I wanted to punch his face in.

Tonight dad asked if it was true that mom and Beluse have split up. I guess a friend of dad's called from California and told him this bit of gossip. Well, it's news to me. Then dad and I got to arguing about it, which led to stuff from the past and their divorce. We actually didn't fight or yell this time, but discussed the matter. Dad said that mom dumped him for Beluse, which I just don't believe. I worry so much about my parents… I'm so mad at dad's friend. What right does he have to call and tell him this shit and upset him? Fucking Assyrians!

Tomorrow's a new day. I pray that I will be nice to dad.

In class John and Tim made fun of me because I was sketching my fashion drawings.

Shima told Lisa that she likes me and thinks I'm cute, funny, and different.

Shima and I went to Octoberfest where we saw people from school. They looked at us like, "Wow, Emil has a girlfriend!" It was the best feeling. I bought her a balloon, which she protected all night, but it finally got killed by a stupid tree. She kept the remaining pieces. That was nice of her. We held each other in the cold. For once I wasn't the third wheel. Drove her home. A peck on the lips.

Today was a beautiful day. Lisa and I went downtown to meet Shima at work where she is a tour guide on a double-decker bus. We sat on Michigan Avenue waiting for her bus to pull up, and watched the people go by. Shima was surprised to see us and gave us a free tour. I learned so much about downtown Chicago. Shima was cute. Afterward we went to Why Not on Belmont and had coffee. Shima made me a ring out of empty sugar packets. When I drove her home later in the night we saw the strangest thing: A pack of stray dogs of all sizes and colors crossing the street together. You could tell they were loners that had found each other and depended on each other. It was kind of sweet.

I talked to mom and she said that she just wants to move out on her own for a while, not divorce Beluse. The thing with Shima- I hope it's not society influencing me.

Went to dinner with Tracy and her family at a seafood restaurant in Evanston. Tracy's dad was drunk and was being funny, at first. He told the waitress if he didn't like his order he'd chew on her toes. Then as she walked away he recommended that she get laid and get her oil changed. We were embarrassed.

I ended up going to Ed's. I don't know why. There I made a mistake. Sorry, Shima. I don't know why.

Drove out to the middle of nowhere to Shima's college. I found my letter pinned up on the wall along with pieces of the balloon we got at Octoberfest. We kissed. But she's not good at kissing. I'm trying not to let it bother me.

Maggie and I have signed up for recruiting. Today we went to a couple nearby grammar schools and stood up and spoke about our high school and how much we love it. (Lies.) Came home and talked to Shima. She said that her friends think I'm hot. I said, 'Not!' we laughed and talked. I like her.

Went to Brandon's and smoked pot for the first time in long time. The conversation sucked.

Dropped Shima off at a bus stop so her father could pick her up there. He'd kill us if I dropped her off at home. He's Arab and strict. We waited in my car and kissed.